the thoughtful moon

The beginning of the end

She was going to lose it. It was her rare Saturday off of work. It’s fall. Of course she wanted to take the kids to a pumpkin patch! Of course it didn’t feel like fall on Texas but that didn’t matter. She had three small boys she wanted to take and experience something fun. And her family needed this. Things had been so shitty lately. It felt like one bad thing after another happening. Her husband wasn’t able to enroll for school again for some unknown reason which is for the best because his welding gear had been stolen out of their garage. Along with his shotgun, the fridge they had in there and some other random things. She also couldn’t find her engagement or wedding rings, and neither could he. On top of not going to school this semester, he wasn’t working anymore either. So when she was at work, he was taking care of the boys. And with the alarm bells that were already going off in her head with everything missing or “stolen”, she was majorly stressed anytime the boys were home alone with him. The boys were 5, 2 and 6 months old, so not exactly able to take care of themselves. She’d already had a few times when she had to call her mom to check on thembecause her husband wouldn’t answer his phone. Her family NEEDED this fall adventure. So when she wakes up with the kids, gets them breakfast, feeds the baby, and starts getting ready without her husband even moving from the bed, she gets upset. They’d been planning to go do this so it’s not like he didn’t know. So she goes to wake him up and he doesn’t budge. It’s like trying to wake the dead. She’s not sure what time he came to bed last night because he had been staying up really late lately and then passing out in the living room on the couch or the floor with a bunch of blankets. He had been doing it so often that their oldest son had started going in there with him, which she hated. She knew he wasn’t doing anything good after she went to bed. Smoking weed was one thing but she knew that’s not what he was doing. She was so paranoid about it that she made sure their 6 month old son was in bed with her every night and the door locked on some nights. She didn’t want to admit what was going on but she knew. Because if she admitted what was going on, everything was going to fall apart. And it was so delicately balanced as it was, she didn’t know if she could handle it. So she wanted to go to a pumpkin patch with her kids and her husband. But he wouldn’t wake his ass up. She got herself ready and then the kids ready and wanted to go. She went into the room, “Are you going to wake up? We’re all ready to go and you haven’t moved.” Barely a response. She she started to yell, “I know why you can’t get up! You’re coming off of something again aren’t you?! We’ve been planning to do this and you can’t even take time to not do drugs so we can go do this as a family! I’m just going to take the boys by myself or call my mom to come with me.” That woke him up. The baby was crying so he picked him up. But then he started to yell at her. That she was being a bitch and she just needed to wait. And no he wasn’t coming off ofanything, he just didn’t sleep well last night. She had to go to the bathroom so she went in there, still arguing with him. He followed her, holding the baby and yelling. He was screaming at her while she was sitting on the toilet but more importantly while he was holding the baby. He had a manic, terrible look in his eyes that scared the shit out of her. “Give me the baby please” she said. But he was still yelling at her and then he punched a hole in the wall. “Please, give me the baby!!”

She took the baby from him and ran out of the bathroom. She told her oldest to go outside and got the 2 year old, along with the baby out to the car.

Her husband was regretful to moment he hit the wall. But she was so scared, she had never seen him like this before. So she did the only thing that made sense and called her mom. They only lived a few minutes away anyways and she needed reinforcements. It wasn’t like her mom didn’t know about his struggles. They were living with his parents when he started using the first time a few years before.

Her mom came over and tried to talk to some sense into him and see what was going on. He’d been on heroin and every other kind of drug you could think. He had been pawning anything and everything he could get his hands on to get more drugs. The only reason they weren’t completely broke and actually able to pay their bills is because she had her paycheck deposited in a separate account. His VA benefits were gone soon after they were available.

Her and the boys stayed at her parents house that night. She couldn’t stay in a house with him after that, the trust was gone. She kicked him out and he went on a bender for a few weeks until finally giving in and going to rehab. Unfortunately that was the beginning of the end for their marriage. It would take a few years but there was no going back after that.